It all started in about 7th grade. I was young, pure. Everyday was a new adventure, before the curiosity set in, before the wonder of who I am finally ate my life away. This was the time i started to find myself naturally rebelling away from the social normalcy. I assumed this was how everyone acted. Eventually I became more skeptic, of the world around me. Although I was still young, I started to conspire, and create my own ideas and forms of the world. Like Descartes, I questioned my pre determined knowledge, to such an extent that i would sit up at night until I convinced myself it was daytime. When 9th grade hit, I was already self aware that I had no true self. I destructed my own sanity, from the world i lived in. I was still able to keep my self as righteous as possible around my friends. Eventually i studied philosophy, sociology, physics, human engineering, psychology etc. I thought a lot more, and even questioned my biology, and how i could advance it. In comes the mind altering consumption. 

I never have, and never will let anyone ever understand who I am, because neither do i expose myself, nor can I even possibly express it.

When i see anything, i think so deeply into it, the materials of it, the smell, the taste. then I tear those apart. I have a rationalizing process that i developed from  literally taking as many scenarios and breaking them down within every moment. Every thought  is a complex set of language that follows it. I can not even fathom that other think this way, its almost illogical. No. It is illogical. Every other thought contradicts the last. 

I thought I lost my mind in 9th grade. Since then its gotten a lot worse. Im obsessed with power. I use my mind to cultivate people, make them my own little garden. Im growing a whole new mass of people. 

I understand people. Not because I like them, but because I know how they work. Physically and mentally. I know what people want, because i too have a million perspectives.

Yes I lost my mind. 

I have not once, opened up to another person besides myself. Those ‘philosophies’ I speak are just gibberish. They are 2nd grade feeders that i present to people. The stuff i think, comes from a million thoughts at once, people cant fathom that.

Who is to say im anything special? Who is to say that not everyone thinks this way?

Even my girlfriend honestly has never heard me talk, the real me talk. Why? because my mind works in colors and shapes. How can i say what is not even in words.